At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
