Will you blow on my dice?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
