She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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