Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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