There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
