She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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