Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
