Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
