im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
