I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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