Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this beer tastes like vomit already
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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