I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
