This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
