i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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