yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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