i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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