I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
