why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
