why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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