I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
