Grow some girl-balls and come out already
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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