What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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