Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
