dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
