After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
