i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
