Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
