That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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