I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
a search helicopter?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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