you guys were way drunker than both of me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
