Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
