Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
