Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
