i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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