'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
