I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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