Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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