I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
