Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
