I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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