he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
