He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
