NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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