i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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