Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
