Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
