Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
