The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
