Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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