My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I want a musical about memes.
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